So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
