We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
