it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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