Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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