What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
