my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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