I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
