you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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