We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
