Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
