I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
