If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
4 words: hood of his car
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
