I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
