Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize