Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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