Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize