I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
