I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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