i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is Oprah even human
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
