K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well I just put wine in my tea
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
