Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
