yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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