Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
it was like eating out sand paper
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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