I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
