Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
