At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
