apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I AM VODKA MAN
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
