i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
