Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
40s are totally the cure
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize