so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
