I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
