my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Lo siento on account of my penis...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize