Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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