You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
