White coat. Heels.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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