I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize