oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize