I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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