needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
