I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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