we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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