??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
