WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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