Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
