hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
