When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
