Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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