youre lurking in front of me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
