Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
