I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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