Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
