Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
