What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize