i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
as a side note pls kill me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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