At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize