you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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