remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
