I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Can I color on your dick again?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
