I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
