please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
