I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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