so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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