Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize