Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
