I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The beer is more important than you right now.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
