He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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