There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Oh god it's open bar.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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