I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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