just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My balls are so social today.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ๐๐๐
Your skills amaze me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
Itโs like sheโs marking her territory
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