My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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