Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Semen is not good for contacts.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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