Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
