I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
